The Hero Is Inside You

By Patrica Bebia Mawa

“How can I run away from myself? A great contention encompasses me; moments of disjointed ambiguity; to be my own companion. How do I turn off the noise from within my soul?” When I wrote this piece in the year 2000, I was new to Canada, with no friends, no family, and just lonely. Many nights I lay awake missing home and feeling sorry for myself, failing to do one thing, enjoy my solitude. I learned then, that it is only when faced with yourself, that you really know w who you are.

Knowing who you are is very important, as the only person that stays with you for life is you. Recently I was watching the television series “Finding Sarah”, and was surprised that Sarah Ferguson, a woman that is supposed to be one of the most powerful women in the world asked the question “How do I get self worth?” Millions of people tuned in to watch her get married. She is the Duchess of York. Linked to the most powerful monarchy on earth, one would ask, if she does not have self worth, then who does? It is true that all humans have moments of great joy, moments of deep sadness, moments of excitement and moments of despair, but these are just moments. I have made a conscious decision not to nurse any negative emotions one second after I realize it exists. Happiness is a choice; true happiness comes with knowing who you are. The journey to finding your self worth begins with loving yourself.

If you understand who you are and appreciate yourself, certain things will be beneath you. Disrespecting others will be beneath you, cheating, anger, fear, jealousy and other ills will be beneath you. When you look into the mirror, what do you see? Do you see a prince or princess, success, a gift to the world, a world changer, a beautiful creation, or do you see a downtrodden person, a failure and a worthless fellow? You must love yourself before you even understand the meaning of love, and love someone else. When you appreciate yourself, your presence can light up a room and fill others with happiness.

A few years ago, someone told me that I was so thin that I looked sick. Deeply disturbed by that comment, I began eating everything that could make me gain weight. This not only began to affect my health, it badly affected my self-esteem. I began wearing oversized clothes to make me look bigger, until one day, I decided to accept myself and I changed my wardrobe. I was surprised that people started to compliment me when I decided to love myself again. “To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.”

If you do not feel like you are worth much, only you can change that perception. Money, fame, accolades, or other people’s opinions, cannot fix that - because they do not really know you.

I look at myself in the mirror and I say ‘Patricia you are blessed, you are a princess, you are the expression of God’s goodness, you are beautiful, you have joy, you have peace, you are a good mom, a good wife, a good citizen of the world and you rock!’ Do not wait for anyone to tell you about yourself because they may not be generous with their opinion. Do not let anyone or circumstances define you.

Many people are lost because of childhood pain, civil challenges or abuse. You can use the blocks that life throws at you to build a great foundation for your future. Everyone on earth faces adversity at some point, but how we handle them is the difference between great men and weaklings. William Shakespeare, Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa all faced adversity, but they used their experiences to make the world a better place. Shakespeare used his pen to delight the world, Mandela became an inspirational leader who taught his people to forgive after 27 years in prison, Mother Theresa had the challenge of leaving her family behind and choosing a life of poverty and chastity, but she was rich in compassion and gained the respect of the world.

Living with low self-esteem is like building a house on a weak foundation. It is just a matter of time before the house will collapse, birthing anger, fear, jealousy, bitterness, wickedness, a manipulative attitude and more. If you put a low premium on yourself, the world will price you down, but if you place a high value on your self worth, the world will appreciate you. If you have not lived a good life, forgive yourself and start a new journey today.

I like the quote by Marianne Williamson that says, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”

She continues by saying, “You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others”

If all you do is one thing before life is over, find yourself and life will happen. Laugh, play, explore, give, and stop to smell the roses, because you are worth it.